Food Junk

Ok everyone, let’s class it up a little today.  Enough of these pay cable beers and stale children’s cereals.  Company is coming over.  Put away your toys and turn off the cartoons.  Polish up your finest watch fobs and steam up your sharpest bowler hat.  It’s time to grow up and act like adults.

Is my ascot straight?  Good.  Fix your monocle.  It’s a tad streaky.

So, how’s the stock portfolio, old sport?  Is it going up and all that?  Good, good.  Yes, mine’s fine.   The money is in there with the investments and such.  Can’t complain.  Haha, a penny earned indeed.  Speaking of which, I read the most delightful biography on Benjamin Franklin the other day.  Turns out he invented the lightning rod.  And bifocals!  Quite the renaissance man if I do say so myself.  Not like my state and local politicians!  I’ll tell you that.  The scallywags.  Ever with the lies and the misappropriations.  Why I have half a mind to march right down to city hall and…

Ok, this is exhausting.  But like a drug addict who says they can quit anytime, I can totally act like a grownup whenever I want.  This sort of stems from a recent conversation I had in which I realized the only thing I knew about the War of 1812 was that it happened in 1812.  And I was really only about 90% sure on that one.  I can tell you all about the Clone Wars though.  And that’s ok, because the way I see it, one of those wars has already happened and the other will never happen.  So given a choice of knowing about one, I’m going to choose lasers.  Every time.

Also I just realized that my model “adult” is quite possibly the Monopoly guy.

Anyway, every once in a while I’ll indulge in some food that doesn’t have a cartoon tie-in or come in colors not found anywhere in nature.  Some don’t even have high fructose corn syrup!  Take this ice cream for example.  Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams’ Goat Cheese with Red Cherries.  By Jove, that’s an adult’s ice cream if I’ve ever seen one.

Jeni’s has been on my radar for a while.  Several months ago they released an Influenza Sorbet based on ingredients in a family recipe for combating the flu.  But they had to change the name of said sorbet because dumb people were complaining that it wasn’t curing their flu.  Because, you know, there’s a cure for the flu.  I don’t think they sell that variation at all now.  Thanks dummies.

So when I spotted this pint at a recent wandering through a Fresh Market, I grabbed it with both hands!  Alright, I didn’t   I just used one hand.  Like normal.  Why would I exaggerate that?

According to the label, this is a blend Snowville Creamery milk, Snowville cream, and goat cheese from the Mackenzie Creamery in Northern Ohio.  It all sounds very sophisticated!  Swirled throughout all that awesomeness is a crimson ribbon of tart red cherries and Morello cherries.

Holy cow, you guys!  This stuff is my new favorite stuff of all the stuff.  The ice cream is beautifully smooth and rich, and the goat cheese adds an amazing savoriness and cheesecakey texture.  The cherries are very vibrant and balance the other ingredients perfectly in taste.  My only, and I mean only, complaint is that there are not nearly enough cherries in each pint.  I think I counted like four cherries in total!  The cherry swirl was a little lacking too.  Not lacking in flavor.  Lacking in being-thereness.  But I’m giving the benefit of the doubt and chalking that up to batch variation.

Raving despite those major issues is a testament to how good this ice cream is.  Fix those ratios and I would be snacking on this three times a day. I’d also be fat by summer and happily dead by the fall.

Jeni’s Splendid is a little pricier than a run of the mill pint.  Mine weighed in at $11, but it was absolutely worth it.  If you can find a Fresh Market in your area, get there, and get some.

You’ll thank me in a completely adult fashion later.  At the board meeting.  In our suits.  With our cigars.  And briefcases.  And firm handshakes.